Laugh or Cry? I Choose Game

Picture of me with my hand over my eyes

There’s an old saying, “It’s either laugh or cry so I choose to laugh.” And yes, given only those two choices, I’d choose laughter most days. But if I can write in another candidate, I’d choose gaming.

To bastardize another cliché, when the going gets tough, I get gaming. And the going has been tough lately. I’m having some health issues. They have to do with my lady parts, we’ll leave it at that. No need for the gory details. And its nothing super serious, but enough that it causes me daily pain and I need surgery to make things right.

So when the doc starts telling me about the procedure and the risks and the possible things causing the problems, instead of focusing on the words hysterectomy and biopsy and extended recovery time (which is two weeks), my mind immediately started doing the math. 16 hours a day awake x 14 days. That’s 224 hours to game. Oh f%&k yeah. I suppose it’s my self-defense mechanisms kicking in, trying to figure out how to make lemonade cuz life just gave me lemons.

Do I want to have pieces of my innards ripped out? No. Not really. Do I want 224 hours to game. Yes, yes I do. So were I to say I’d give my left ovary to have more time to game (and the right one too), very soon that statement shall be true.

Yes, I know I’m being flippant. But one must always look on the bright side. Yes, the surgery most likely will make me feel better, but it also comes with a whole slew of potential side effects that must be dealt with and could ruin certain aspects of life I very much enjoy.

And I think it’s gonna be a while before I feel good again…if I ever do. So…yeah. Gaming is my way of taking my mind off all that stuff.

Lots of smart folks will warn you about escapism (let’s be honest, that’s what I’m talking about.) But really, I don’t see the harm in it, as long as you don’t drown in it. Adult life is stressful and it’s easier to face all the fear and loss and pain (physical, emotional, and mental) if once in a while you get to be a bada$$. Even if it’s just a role you play.

If I’m neck deep in boss fights and trepidatious exploration, I don’t have to listen when my brain pops out thoughts like:

Will I be the same after the surgery?

Will I suddenly code under anesthesia because some people die during surgery for no reason?

Will I be in a lot of pain afterward and will the docs be stingy with pain meds because they have to be these days?

Am I still a woman if most of my woman parts are gone?

Will hormone replacement be adequate?

Will sex still be enjoyable?

Am I gonna be able to replace all the money we took out of savings for this?

Will I still be me?

I am worried and I am afraid. And if gaming can give me a break from the constant loop of melodramatic thoughts, then I don’t see a problem with a little escapism.

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One thought on “Laugh or Cry? I Choose Game

  1. You have every right to be weary of what the future a month from now holds. And gaming will either help you cope, or become a distraction. It’s really up to you and how you plan on dealing with it all. Will you be the same after? Maybe. Maybe not. Are you the same as you were 10 years ago? I’m willing to bet, probably not. You’ve grown, adapted to new things in your life, and recreated yourself maybe even several times. This time will be no different. You did what you had to do, and adapted. And you’ll do the same here, game or no game.

    You’re strong. You’re courageous. And you’re a gamer. I think you’ll be just fine. 🙂

    “Women are like teabags. We don’t know our true strength until we are in hot water.” —Eleanor Roosevelt

    See you on the flip. 😉


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