Just about every content creator, writer, and artist I know will feel me when I say this: I’m so f@#king sick of my day job (or as I call it the EDJ for short). Don’t get me wrong. Most of the time I really like my job and I love the folks I work with. But spending 40+ hours a week doing something I don’t love, that doesn’t spark my heart and soul…well, it’s just exhausting. And it’s seriously cutting into my time to do the things I love most: gaming and writing.
That being said, some of this indentured servitude is self inflicted. Once upon a time I was a published author. I didn’t make tons of money, but I made enough to consider it a side income. But once again, I had to write about something that…well, wasn’t exactly something I wanted to write for the rest of my life. I wrote erotic romance (AKA chick porn) and while it was fun at first, it got tiring and repetitive. And then my publisher went out of business, but that’s a whole other story.
And yes, I could try to write for a more serious, professional gaming publication. But that would require me to be more serious…and professional. Yeah, that ain’t happening. I love writing about gaming in a very personal way. So yeah. Never gonna make tons of money writing about gaming and I’m sure a hell not a good enough gamer to go pro. And I’m pretty sure no one out there wants to watch a forty-nine year old woman on Twitch. Not to mention I’d probably have to have a whole lot of liquid courage to stream anyway.
I’ve come full circle (see how I did that?), I need the EDJ to pay bills and save for my golden years, but the EDJ cuts into my gaming and writing time. What is a grown up gamer girl to do? Alas, I fear there’s no easy answer to that question.
I have gamer friends who schedule their vacation around a triple A release. Charles regularly stays up too late gaming (I do wish I had the capacity to do that, but Mama needs her eight hours of sleep). We do play just about every evening and weekend, but it’s never enough. Not to blog about gaming the way I once thought I could. I can’t imagine having to come up with videos to post on YouTube or sticking to a streaming schedule. Like I said, I know there are plenty of folks in the same boat.
Adulting is difficult, plain and simple. I suppose the only thing to do, to quote Dory, is “just keep swimming.” Or in my case, trying to balance work and family and dreams. I know how miserable I’d be if I threw in the towel and made compounding pharmacy my whole life. Heaven forbid. And who knows? Maybe my little blog will become something bigger. Can’t know till I try. I just wish I didn’t feel so exhausted all the time. Perhaps that’s my next mountain to tackle. Finding the energy to have it all…if you know how, won’t you tell me, please?
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