Mid Life Crisis Redux

Convalescing, the final installment

Gamer girl pic

So, the first time I had a mid-life crisis my former life partner had tried to kill me. That does make one take stock of one’s life choices. This time, my body decided to develop some potentially life-threatening issues. Though my recent surgery corrected those issues, I still have the feeling that life is too short (and too long) to spend the bulk of my waking hours doing something I don’t love.

Yes, I still blog and I still game. I’ve started exercising again. But let’s face it. Y’all know the drill. You go to the evil day job because you have responsibilities. You grit your teeth doing stuff that at best you can tolerate and at worst makes you want to eat a bullet. You do this for at least eight hours. You come home and the few hours you have to indulge your own wants and needs, well, it’s just never enough. Not to mention you’re usually too mentally wrecked and physically exhausted to do much more than eat and sit on the couch, fighting the urge to dive headlong into full-blown alcoholism. Oh…is that last bit just me? My bad, lol.

And then I see folks who’ve made that commitment to become a gaming blogger, an eSports competitor, a YouTuber, or a Twitch streamer. I see those people achieving things I only dream about and I think, “Why not me?” But I know the answer to that question. Every time I decide I’m going to embrace a dream…I punk out. I’ve done it my whole life. I let the voices in my head telling me I’m not good enough take over. I allow the unknown to overwhelm me. I worry about making money and my future and I scramble for what’s safe and easy. Which for the last ten years has been pharmacy.

And don’t get me wrong, I like cooking drugs—legally of course, not breaking bad just yet. Though there is a part of me that wonders if I can compound complicated formulas like lipo-boost and super-saturated vitamin C solutions, could I cook up some meth? Like the Heisenberg beautiful blue crystal? Meh, just a random curiosity I’ll never indulge. But I still wonder. Not that any of this has f%&k all to do with my gaming blogger aspirations except I have confidence in my compounding skills because I do it often with a high rate of success. Perhaps I’d have more faith in my ability to write something other gamers would read…well, if I did it more f%&king often.

For over a year, I felt miserable and I did little more than work, eat, game, and sleep. My blog schedule definitely took a hit. And maybe I’m not blessed enough to quit the EDJ and embrace my inner artist full time. But post-surgery and post-convalescence I do have more energy. I feel better. I feel good. So, I need to heed the advice I always give aspiring authors: just write. It’s that f%&king simple. And I’m a published author for f%&k’s sake (I really am, no cap). I got mad writing skittles. And I spend more time gaming than is healthy. So why not me? It’s time to do the damn thing.

I’d love to hear from other bloggers and content creators. How do you keep your eyes on the prize?

Thanks so much for stopping by (and reading this far into my post 🥰) I’m not a paid blogger…yet! Your support can help me reach that goal. Please feel free to leave your thoughts, subscribe to my blog or hit me up on Twitter @cindyjacks. If you’d like to buy me a coffee or leave a tip you can do so at ko-fi https://ko-fi.com/grownupgamergirl or cash app $cindyjacksbooks. All donations to my online content are much appreciated, but definitely not required to keep coming back to visit! Game on, my friends!