Okay, I’m not proud, but last night I stayed up giggling and talking too late with my honey boo. Like waaaay too late. Like last call at a bar too late. And then this morning I slept through my alarm. Were I twenty-something that wouldn’t be a big deal, but um, I’m damn near fifty. I don’t do that sh!t. Like everrrrr.
But I did do that sh!t. And the less you do this and the more grown-up job you have, the less able you are to call in “sick”. And the less able you are to pull off the quick-change. Sad, but true.
And as I frantically tried to figure out how to take a shower, pull on compression socks while half wet, and throw on some scrubs….okay, that’s not hard. Working in scrubs is like working in pajamas. And I don’t even wear makeup. But still, I need to eat. Oh and being an old lady, I got meds to take. And I need caffeine. No, hear me out. I NEED CAFFEINE. As i posited the theory before. I’m an old lady. I need my motherfunkin’ caffeeeeeeeine. There was no f$%king way I was gonna be ready and make it to work even within an hour of start time.
I struggled with it. I’m not a kid. I show up. I do the damn thing. Unshowered and half-dressed, I sat, my head in my hands. My work day was dead. I called it at 837am. I texted my boss to notify him of the flatline. And after the self-shaming subsided…I realized…I could game all f%&king day!
GOOOOOOOOOL! Golaso! Golaso! Golaso! You World Cup fans know what I’m talking about.
Approaching my XBox was like a quote from Milky Chance, “We need to fetch back the time they have stolen from us.”
What did I play? Does it really matter? If I could have Tango-ed over to my beloved I would have. T…A…N-G-O. My gamers know what I’m talking about. It was like Gotam Project played in my head. Hay milonga deamor…
It wasn’t a planned day off and that made taking up the controller all the sweeter. I’ve talked about the EDJ and what it does to a gamer. But for twenty-four hours, I didn’t have to be Cindy. I could be Foxx Miyamoto, the dreamer. The one with many lives.
Totally worth the PTO.
Thanks so much for stopping by (and reading this far into my post 🥰) I’m not a paid blogger…yet! Your support can help me reach that goal. Please feel free to leave your thoughts, subscribe to my blog or hit me up on Twitter @cindyjacks. If you’d like to buy me a coffee or leave a tip you can do so at ko-fi https://ko-fi.com/grownupgamergirl or cash app $cindyjacksbooks. All donations to my online content are much appreciated, but definitely not required to keep coming back to visit! Game on, my friends!
So, the first time I had a mid-life crisis my former life partner had tried to kill me. That does make one take stock of one’s life choices. This time, my body decided to develop some potentially life-threatening issues. Though my recent surgery corrected those issues, I still have the feeling that life is too short (and too long) to spend the bulk of my waking hours doing something I don’t love.
Yes, I still blog and I still game. I’ve started exercising again. But let’s face it. Y’all know the drill. You go to the evil day job because you have responsibilities. You grit your teeth doing stuff that at best you can tolerate and at worst makes you want to eat a bullet. You do this for at least eight hours. You come home and the few hours you have to indulge your own wants and needs, well, it’s just never enough. Not to mention you’re usually too mentally wrecked and physically exhausted to do much more than eat and sit on the couch, fighting the urge to dive headlong into full-blown alcoholism. Oh…is that last bit just me? My bad, lol.
And then I see folks who’ve made that commitment to become a gaming blogger, an eSports competitor, a YouTuber, or a Twitch streamer. I see those people achieving things I only dream about and I think, “Why not me?” But I know the answer to that question. Every time I decide I’m going to embrace a dream…I punk out. I’ve done it my whole life. I let the voices in my head telling me I’m not good enough take over. I allow the unknown to overwhelm me. I worry about making money and my future and I scramble for what’s safe and easy. Which for the last ten years has been pharmacy.
And don’t get me wrong, I like cooking drugs—legally of course, not breaking bad just yet. Though there is a part of me that wonders if I can compound complicated formulas like lipo-boost and super-saturated vitamin C solutions, could I cook up some meth? Like the Heisenberg beautiful blue crystal? Meh, just a random curiosity I’ll never indulge. But I still wonder. Not that any of this has f%&k all to do with my gaming blogger aspirations except I have confidence in my compounding skills because I do it often with a high rate of success. Perhaps I’d have more faith in my ability to write something other gamers would read…well, if I did it more f%&king often.
For over a year, I felt miserable and I did little more than work, eat, game, and sleep. My blog schedule definitely took a hit. And maybe I’m not blessed enough to quit the EDJ and embrace my inner artist full time. But post-surgery and post-convalescence I do have more energy. I feel better. I feel good. So, I need to heed the advice I always give aspiring authors: just write. It’s that f%&king simple. And I’m a published author for f%&k’s sake (I really am, no cap). I got mad writing skittles. And I spend more time gaming than is healthy. So why not me? It’s time to do the damn thing.
I’d love to hear from other bloggers and content creators. How do you keep your eyes on the prize?
Thanks so much for stopping by (and reading this far into my post 🥰) I’m not a paid blogger…yet! Your support can help me reach that goal. Please feel free toleave your thoughts, subscribe to my blog or hit me up on Twitter @cindyjacks. If you’d like to buy me a coffee or leave a tip you can do so at ko-fi https://ko-fi.com/grownupgamergirl or cash app $cindyjacksbooks. All donations to my online content are much appreciated, but definitely not required to keep coming back to visit! Game on, my friends!
This isn’t my first rodeo, having surgery and dealing with the physical and mental repercussions. But this time it was so much harder. Probably because I’m old. And also because of the whammy it put on my endocrine system. But I’m happy to say, getting back to work, slowly exercising more, and getting on that sweet, sweet HRT (I wasn’t kidding in my last post, ladies, listen to Jessica Tandy!), I’m starting to feel like Cindy again. And not the broken down, barely hanging on Cindy. The version of myself I know and love best. Yeah, that Cindy is coming back and it feels amazing.
So what’s that got to do with gaming, you ask? Well, a lot actually. Over the past three years I’ve played around 250 games. The really good ones, I’ve played through more than once. I often joke about having a gaming addiction, but let’s be honest, I did have one. I was relying on games for some source of dopamine and adrenaline. When your body feels like $h!t, it’s hard to feel good about being alive. Gaming gave me that rush. And I’m not ashamed to say I relied on it.
Now, I feel good enough to do other things like exercising, cooking, going outside (heaven forbid) and that means gaming less. But I don’t think that’s a bad thing. Yes, it’ll reduce the number of games I burn through (which will also save me some money, lol). But I think it’ll increase the quality of the time I spend gaming. Make it more special. And I’ll be more selective with what I play. All good things. Gaming, just like everything else in life, requires balance to be savored and enjoyed.
Part of me misses those sweaty sixteen hour gaming sessions. And I’m sure they’ll still occur. But they won’t be the focus of my entire life. I also don’t have the stress of not being able to find something to play. I don’t get the shakes when there’s nothing good in GamePass and I don’t have the money to buy something new. And trust me, after paying for surgery and being out of work for three weeks, I won’t have the money to buy anything new for a while. Thanks American healthcare system. You know what, it shouldn’t even be called a system because that implies that it works. Should be called the American healthcare dysfunction. Sorry, let’s change the subject before this turns into a proper rant.
Anyway, I am a gamer. I have been since I was five years old. It’s part of my identity. But that’s just it. It should be a piece of the Cindy pie. Not the whole enchilada. How ya like that mixed metaphor? I’m learning how to be me all over again and that takes time. And I’m learning how to be a gaming enthusiast without falling into the pit of addiction. And I’m not judging those who need to game to keep sane. We all gotta do what we gotta do to get through this crazy trial called life. But for me, it’s time to embrace the other aspects of life with the same gusto I’ve embraced video games.
Will I still be a Jedi, an adventurer, a special ops bada$$, and a mage in the virtual world? Absolutely. But I’ll also be a hiker, a gourmet cook, a swimmer, and a traveler IRL. Having balance, that’s what makes us complete. And for the first time in as long as I can remember, I feel whole.
I’m not a paid blogger…yet! Your support can help me reach that goal. Please feel leave your thoughts, subscribe to my blog or hit me up on Twitter @cindyjacks. If you’d like to buy me a coffee or leave a tip you can do so at ko-fi https://ko-fi.com/grownupgamergirl or cash app $cindyjacksbooks. All donations to my online content are much appreciated, but definitely not required to keep coming back to visit! Game on, my friends!
So menopause…yeah. Yes, I know, not a topic traditionally talked about in gaming but f&%k it, it’s my blog and I’ll talk about OG gamer girl issues if I wanna. Hey, women my age are the fastest growing demographic in video gaming. So let’s talk about The Change.
In my last post, I mentioned my impending hysterectomy and bilateral oophorectomy which has since come to pass. I also talked about all the time to game the recovery would afford me. Ahhhh, best laid schemes.
Okay, so the first few days of misery, I expected. Surgery sucks, there’s no way around that. Pieces of my body were cut out. That’s gonna hurt. I had reconciled myself to the first few days languishing in bed. Two weeks later…I feel better, not great, but better. Some of it is still the incisions and stitches. But wait! There’s more!
Small bio lesson here: see the human body has three major reproductive hormones: progesterone, testosterone, and estrogen. I won’t go too much into what they all do, but they are all important to a person’s overall health and well-being. Right now, since I had both ovaries removed, my body isn’t producing much of those hormones and I’m miserable. No, that should be Miserable with a capital M. Actually, it should be MISERABLE, all caps. And yes, I’m shouting.
Now usually when misery comes to visit, I game. I play for hours on end, day after day after day. But without those essential chemical messengers coursing through my veins, I can’t focus, I have no energy, I can’t sleep and I’m on the verge of a serious depression. And now I’m missing one of the tools that helps me cope.
I’ve tried to force myself to play. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. It’s mostly been Netflix and chill. And no, not in the colloquial sense, lol. Let’s put it this way, fifteen seasons of Supernatural might not be enough to last till I go back to work. The term “binge-watching” doesn’t scratch the surface. It’s more like mainlining TV. A wide open IV of mindless entertainment replete with a heparin flush to keep the needle from clogging.
Okay, I took that metaphor too far as I am wont to do. My point being: all this Netflix watching is not healthy. Not that no-lifing a game is, but at least gaming keeps the brain active. Encourages persistent optimism. Leads to strong social bonds. Not to mention burns 250 calories per hour.
When I decided to kiss my sickly female parts goodbye, I expected hot flashes, night sweats, forgetfulness, mood swings, insomnia, dry skin, and just a general sense of feeling like crap. I didn’t expect my love of gaming to go down the fallopian tubes. (See…see what I did there? I’m so clever 🤠lol) Menopause, I can deal with, but game-o-pause? Oh hell no!
I’m just gonna say it, Mother Nature is raging b!tch. All the bull$h!t she puts women though? And now this? But that’s fine cuz I got science on my side. This week I start that good-good. That sticky-icky HRT (hormone replacement therapy). In a couple weeks, I’ll should be right as rain, gripping my controller tight. Till death do us part!
Author’s note: I started this blog post a couple weeks ago and just now had the mental energy to finish it. To all my lady gamers who are suffering due to menopause (or even worse, game-o-pause), please allow me to quote Jessica Tandy’s character from Fried Green Tomatoes, “You get yourself some hormones…”
The Change clip from Fried Green Tomatoes
I’m not a paid blogger…yet! Your support can help me reach that goal. Please feel leave your thoughts, subscribe to my blog or hit me up on Twitter @cindyjacks. If you’d like to buy me a coffee or leave a tip you can do so at ko-fi https://ko-fi.com/grownupgamergirl or cash app $cindyjacksbooks. All donations to my online content are much appreciated, but definitely not required to keep coming back to visit! Game on, my friends!
There’s an old saying, “It’s either laugh or cry so I choose to laugh.” And yes, given only those two choices, I’d choose laughter most days. But if I can write in another candidate, I’d choose gaming.
So when the doc starts telling me about the procedure and the risks and the possible things causing the problems, instead of focusing on the words hysterectomy and biopsy and extended recovery time (which is two weeks), my mind immediately started doing the math. 16 hours a day awake x 14 days. That’s 224 hours to game. Oh f%&k yeah. I suppose it’s my self-defense mechanisms kicking in, trying to figure out how to make lemonade cuz life just gave me lemons.
Do I want to have pieces of my innards ripped out? No. Not really. Do I want 224 hours to game. Yes, yes I do. So were I to say I’d give my left ovary to have more time to game (and the right one too), very soon that statement shall be true.
Yes, I know I’m being flippant. But one must always look on the bright side. Yes, the surgery most likely will make me feel better, but it also comes with a whole slew of potential side effects that must be dealt with and could ruin certain aspects of life I very much enjoy.
And I think it’s gonna be a while before I feel good again…if I ever do. So…yeah. Gaming is my way of taking my mind off all that stuff.
Lots of smart folks will warn you about escapism (let’s be honest, that’s what I’m talking about.) But really, I don’t see the harm in it, as long as you don’t drown in it. Adult life is stressful and it’s easier to face all the fear and loss and pain (physical, emotional, and mental) if once in a while you get to be a bada$$. Even if it’s just a role you play.
If I’m neck deep in boss fights and trepidatious exploration, I don’t have to listen when my brain pops out thoughts like:
Will I be the same after the surgery?
Will I suddenly code under anesthesia because some people die during surgery for no reason?
Will I be in a lot of pain afterward and will the docs be stingy with pain meds because they have to be these days?
Am I still a woman if most of my woman parts are gone?
Will hormone replacement be adequate?
Will sex still be enjoyable?
Am I gonna be able to replace all the money we took out of savings for this?
Will I still be me?
I am worried and I am afraid. And if gaming can give me a break from the constant loop of melodramatic thoughts, then I don’t see a problem with a little escapism.
I’m not a paid blogger…yet! Your support can help me reach that goal. Please feel leave your thoughts, subscribe to my blog or hit me up on Twitter @cindyjacks. If you’d like to buy me a coffee or leave a tip you can do so at ko-fi https://ko-fi.com/grownupgamergirl or cash app $cindyjacksbooks. All donations to my online content are much appreciated, but definitely not required to keep coming back to visit! Game on, my friends!
Pic of me in a blue t-shirt holding my red Xbox controller
Lately I’m starting to think I’ve become a dinosaur. Does anyone read blogs about gaming anymore? There seems so much pressure to post videos on YouTube or stream on Twitch, but what’s an introvert like me to do?
The thought of talking to dozens of people live…okay, I’m flattering myself. No one would watch my stream. It’s not like I’m comfortable wearing low cut shirts and bouncing “accidentally” while I play. But let’s for argument’s sake say dozens of people tuned in, I’d freeze up. Unless I’m drunk, in which case the gaming would be $h!t. I choose to write because I need that distance from my audience. Don’t get me wrong, I love y’all, but you also scare me to death! Hi, I’m Cindy and I’m an ISFP. What that means in a nutshell is I have palaces built in my mind and I’d rather live in them alone than in the real world. You can check out what that means in depth right here 😉👉 https://www.verywellmind.com/isfp-introverted-sensing-feeling-perceiving-2795991.
Don’t get me wrong, I have dipped a toe in the swirling waters of Twitch with some friends and family. Check the feed below to see the disaster and yes…I was drunk so…yeah. It was really hard for me. I get so damn tense. And I hate the sound of my own voice. And it’s exhausting. The thought of doing that on my own is terrifying. Plus that’s a whole other mess of stuff to promote. I’m not even very good at promoting my own blog.
Twitch stream highlight courtesy of BeAStupidGamer
The biggest obstacle is simple: I’m a writer. Which brings me back to the original question? Does anyone read about gaming anymore? I do, especially guides when I’m stuck. I prefer how-to articles to videos because I can read faster than the video can play. I read reviews to see if I’ll like a game. Again, this is just more efficient to me than watching a fifteen minute video. And I do read op-ed pieces about gaming in general. But does anyone else?
I have a decent Twitter following that’s growing and inevitably I get the daily DM that asks what my Twitch schedule is or what my YouTube link is. When I reply I have a blog about gaming I can actually hear the pause on the other end of the conversation. Then they reply “Cool” or something equally as non-interested, lol. But blogging about gaming just makes sense to me. I love gaming and written words flow in my veins.
I started this blog because I was going through a rough patch in life. I continued pursuing it because of the conversations I had with some contractors remodeling my parents’ house. These middle-aged guys would chat with me for hours about Red Dead Online or Warframe or whatever story game I was no-lifing at the time. The general consensus was they wished the women in their lives enjoyed gaming. So I thought why not represent those grown up gamer girls, those of us bitten by the gaming bug in the 1980s and who remained gamer girls our whole lives. But will my voice ever be heard? Or am I just shouting into the whirlwind of obsolescence?
I suppose it doesn’t really matter because I love writing and I’ll never give it up. Perhaps I’ll try a more multimedia approach to my passion for gaming. Attach videos to my blog articles, give Audible a try so folks can listen to my insanity instead of having to read it. Make my presence known of different social media platforms. I suppose there are lots of ways to punch up just words.
But I love the plain old written…in case you couldn’t tell. 🥰
If I’ve entertained you or added some value to your day, wonderful! Please feel free to leave your thoughts, subscribe to my blog or hit me up on Twitter @cindyjacks. If you’d like to support my blog with donations you can do so at ko-fi https://ko-fi.com/grownupgamergirl or cash app $cindyjacksbooks. All donations to my online content are much appreciated, but definitely not required to keep coming back to visit! Game on, my friends!
Screenshots courtesy of Tiny Tina’s Wonderlands, captured via Xbox Series S
When Tiny Tina’s Wonderlands first came out, it didn’t pique my interest much. I’d just gone on a Borderlands binge with Charles. All four games played back to back to back (to back?) so yeah…I was a bit burnt out on the franchise.
And okay fine, I’ll admit it: while I found Tiny Tina’s murderous, foul-mouthed savagery mixed with a dash of innocence a wonderful addition to the zaniness that abounds in Borderlands, I wasn’t sure I wanted to endure a whole game of her affectations. Plus, there was also the whole Dungeons and Dragons RPG aspect of Wonderlands that I couldn’t quite imagine working as the premise for a video game. Boy, was I f@$king wrong!
It’d been about a year since I’d taken a hiatus from vault hunting. And as is often the case with my gaming library, I stumbled upon Wonderlands on sale in the XBox store. It was $36 for the Next Level Edition, which is pretty much half price. I learned my lesson long ago that $70 for a game I wind up tepid about stings like a b!tch. But less than $40, I can choke that down and move on. To my surprise, Wonderlands turned out to be an amazing addition to the franchise.
As soon as I started to play, it was like spying an old flame across a dimly lit barroom, that one that you parted with not because of spite or disgust, but simply because your paths diverged and since then you’d thought: what if? And there they are looking finer than ever and you walk over to say hi, their eyes light up and a smile tugs at their lips, you hug and then you know it. The spark ignites into a raging it’s gonna be one of those nights involving a zip ties, chicken feathers, and a jacuzzi full of lime Jello. Yeah, playing Wonderlands was like that.
I’d forgotten how the creators of Borderlands compose a symphony of sarcasm, dark humor, and absurdity, sprinkled with an undertone of tragedy. It’s a recipe few games can pull off, but each and every time they have. Tiny Tina’s Wonderlands is no exception. And I’d forgotten how much I love inhabiting that wild and wacky world.
One of Wonderlands biggest successes is the writing. Being a writer myself, I appreciate masters of the craft. I also thank the writers for scaling back Tiny Tina just a bit. Just enough that her slang-heavy, colloquial style of speaking doesn’t get tiresome. But they left enough of the character’s TikTok diva attitude that she remains true to what you’d expect of her. There are also poignant moments where she reveals her fears and loneliness. The strong dialogue voiced by the oh-so talented Ashly Burch, Wanda Sykes, and Andy Samberg (who I’m pretty sure is Adam Sandlers’ love child…just sayin’) conjures up a fanciful masterpiece
The main quest and side missions parody every fairytale imaginable, both old school and contemporary. And the devs flaunt it at every turn which made me laugh out loud at times. You’ve got Ron Ribolte who fights a “cyclops” clocktower to rescue his love, Princess Daffodil. There’s Raiders of the Lost Shark. Not to mention nods to Peter Pan, The Little Mermaid, Pirates of the Caribbean, Pinocchio, Lord of the Rings, even a couple dabs of Star Wars. I could go on and on, but for the a player who knows their legends and lore, the references are everywhere and masterfully (and amusingly) reinterpreted.
I gotta give a shout out to my favorite reference: Gerritt of Trivia, master monster slayer. He even brags about bedding a woman while mounted atop a unicorn. I damn near dropped my controller I was fangirling so badly. You know I love my Witcher so I highly recommend The Ditcher side quest.
If I had to find something to complain about, the only thing that comes to mind is the loot. Not enough? No, quite the contrary. There’s an overwhelming amount of it. And most of it is crap. But once in a while, you find that pearl amongst the mound of oyster shells which makes all the grinding worthwhile. It’s OP and therefore so are you. Also, selling the crap loot is the primary way you earn gold though you are paid for every quest.
I don’t often rate games because reviews aren’t the primary purpose of this blog, but I’d give Tiny Tina’s Wonderlands a 10/10. I also loved the message from the devs at the end of the game. It basically says that they love their gamer fan base and wanted to create something that brings people together even if they cant physicallybe together. This was inspired by the COVID lockdowns. What a beautiful idea. We love you too, Gearbox.
Even though I’ve finished the main quest of the game, there’s still a ton of content left. I’m so reticent to leave this world, I’m doing side missions and challenges after the fact. That’s rare for me. I even checked the list of achievements. I’m considering platinum’ing the game. Sorry, I mean completing all the achievements. I’m on XBox now, gotta stop with the PlayStation lingo. But point being, I’m not a completionist, but for Tiny Tina, I could be.
If I’ve entertained you or added some value to your day, wonderful! Please feel free to leave your thoughts, subscribe to my blog or hit me up on Twitter @cindyjacks. If you’d like to support my blog with donations you can do so at ko-fi https://ko-fi.com/grownupgamergirl or cash app $cindyjacksbooks. All donations to my online content are much appreciated, but definitely not required to keep coming back to visit! Game on, my friends!
5 – A lot of the time I game alone. But when I do game with Charles, I at the very least hold my own, if not get more kills or points or whatever. Suck on that, Mr. F@%kwit A$$hat Neanderthal.
The way I see it, if the way you live your life ain’t hurting anyone else, then you do you, boo boo. Just like we shouldn’t be trapped into only gender traditional occupations, neither should gamers be limited or judged by the titles they play. It’s 2023, people.
But here’s the thing: my sweet lovin’ man is a 6’2 cowboy from Kansas. He served his country in Iraq, he’s never lost a bar fight, and he works as security at a city hospital. How much more traditionally male can you get? But does that does that mean he should only play steeped in machismo. Hell no! Just like there’s nothing wrong with me loving ultra-violent games such as GTAV or RDR2 or the Ghost Recon series. They help a lot with perimenopausal mood swings, I can tell you that!
In fact, I think it’s the role reversal that draws us to polar opposite games. Charles spends his days breaking up fights and restraining patients who would harm themselves and others so more violence during his time off just isn’t what the doctor ordered. I on the other hand, work in a lab where order, reason, strictly enforced processes, and best practices dictate my every move. When I get home I crave chaos, blood guts and gore. I need to go a bit feral. So is it silly for either of us to play games that step outside traditional gender roles. Not at all. Makes sense I’d you really think about it.
What games do you play that are “unexpected”? Drop a comment! I’d love to hear about them.
If I’ve entertained you or added some value to your day, wonderful! Please feel free to leave your thoughts, subscribe to my blog or hit me up on Twitter @cindyjacks. If you’d like to support my blog with donations you can do so at ko-fi https://ko-fi.com/grownupgamergirl or cash app $cindyjacksbooks. All donations to my online content are much appreciated, but definitely not required to keep coming back to visit! Game on, my friends!
Not sure what it is lately, but I’d guess that about 60% of the games I’ve played in the last six months are zombie-related. Saints Row aside (which I think could only benefit from a zombie DLC mixed in to its beautiful madness), I’ve played 7 Days to Die, Back for Blood 4, Call of Duty Black Ops 3 (the zombie maps), The Callisto Protocol, Dying Light 2, Evil West, Resident Evil 2, The Evil Within 2, Plants vs. Zombies, Prey, State of Decay 2, and Zombie Army 4. This weekend I dove into Dead Island mostly because thetrailer for Dead Island 2 looks bada$$$$$$$$$. But I’ve never much been into the whole zombie apocalypse thang before. Okay, fine, I did watch The Walking Dead, but who didn’t? Suddenly I’m all about the rotten buggers…so why now?
Video from Zombie Army 4 on XBox Series S
Maybe it’s just the sheer violence of zombie games. I mean it’s more than just a shmup. It’s like whack-a-mole, but with brains flying everywhere.
And there’s no guilt to bashing the face in of something that’s no longer human, right? That’s okay, right? I mean, ngl, but I don’t feel particularly bad murdering anything or anyone in a video game because guess what! It’s not real. Okay, I might feel bad stomping puppies or clubbing baby seals. But the average NPC baddie? Nah. It’s a virtual pressure valve for our basest impulses which no longer have an outlet since we are a polite, civilized society these days (🤣🤣🤣, I know, I can’t believe I typed that with a straight face). But it’s true, these days we fight with words and social media body shaming far more than with actual weapons. But there has to be more to my zombie fixation than just the violence. Cuz you can get that with any number of genres.
Maybe it’s the economy? There’s a study, I’d cite it if I could find it, but I don’t gave the time to dig through the interwebs right now, but there is a study done by actual smart people that states zombie lore does much better when the economy is crap. Well, it doesn’t get much crappier than it’s been lately. $6 for a carton of eggs, are you f@#king kidding me? Doubling electric bills. Corporate profits at an all-time high while worker wages and benefits are shit. The stock market is free falling. The cost of healthcare…don’t get me started on that, we’d be here all day. But even compared to a year ago, the average American is spending more on necessities and utilities and keep less for fun stuff, like…oh, you know, gaming? I think we can agree ye ole economy, not so hot. But why does that make the zombie apocalypse more appealing?
I have a theory, substantiated by nothing, mind you. When we’re all broke AF and struggling to keep the lights on, there’s something comforting and freeing about the collapse of society. It’s broken anyway. What if we could loot and riot and go back to survival of the fittest for real instead of just social Darwinism? And in video games, you’re character is always the fittest, most bada$$-est killing machine ever. Which for me is also freeing because physically, well, I’m about as coordinated as purple shoes with an orange handbag. Yep, if the zombies are chasing us, trust I’m the one getting eaten. Y’all would be fine 😂. But games like State of Decay 2 and Days Gone make me feel like I’m a survivor, that I can beat the MF system. I can amass a fortune in a world gone wild. And bash some zombie heads in to boot.
It also doesn’t hurt that most zombapocalypse games are co-op. Charles and I are forever looking for stuff we can play together, that we’ll both like and more often than not, we come up with a title revolving around the undead. Which only makes sense: fighting a horde alone is just a bad idea. And we like to shoot stuff, lol.
Whatever the reason, I believe fighting the infected and undead has become a staple of my gaming diet. I’m eagerly awaiting the release of Dead Island 2. And my boo was kind enough to buy me the Ragnarok DLC for Zombie Army 4. Hey, if Buffy can be known for dispatching vampires with extreme malice, why can’t I claim the title of Cindy the Zombie Slayer?
If I’ve entertained you or added some value to your day, wonderful! Please feel free to leave your thoughts, subscribe to my blog or hit me up on Twitter @cindyjacks. If you’d like to support my blog with donations you can do so at ko-fi https://ko-fi.com/grownupgamergirl or cash app $cindyjacksbooks. All donations to my online content are much appreciated, but definitely not required to keep coming back to visit! Game on, my friends!
My apologies in advance. I don’t rant often, but I’m about to:
Okay, let me start off this blog post by saying I’m not trashing retro-gaming. Not at all. In fact, I play older games when I’m feeling nostalgic. And let me remind y’all that I’ll be 50 in August. My first gaming “console” was Pong. You hooked that machine and paddles up to a 20″ vacuum tube TV and batted a pixel ball across the screen. Then, one miraculous day when I was about 9 or 10, my dad brought home an Atari. I cut my gamer teeth on titles like Pac-Man, Frogger, Space Invaders, and Donkey Kong. So trust me when I say, I have love for what y’all call retro…it’s what I call my childhood.
But there’s this new fangled stuff called 60fps (even higher if you have a monitor that can handle it), UHD, 4K, HDR and games that are filmed with motion capture. So why…why why why why put out a new game with a brilliant concept with old school mechanics? I’m looking at you Weird West.
When I saw the trailer for this game, I wanted it. The concept is brilliant and I’m a sucker for Old West games. C’mon, my favorite game is RDR2. I was even willing to overlook the top-down view. (Seriously, no one but a bird or a bat or flying f@#king squirrel sees the world that way?!) And I think I could love Weird West, except for the wonky twin stick aiming system. Even with the option of free camera the stupid POV gets in your way. WTF? The game was released on 03/31/2022. There’s no f@#king reason to put out a clunky a$$ game like this in 2022! No reason at all except perhaps the devs thought it would be cool.
Perhaps the devs never suffered though the old days of gaming when we didn’t have a choice, when the technology lagged behind our dreams of what we could do. It’s 2023, y’all. And stop romanticizing gaming of the past. It was hard, it was unforgiving and that didn’t make it more fun. It was what we had to deal with at the time so we made do. We didn’t know anything different. No autosave, no aim assist, no graphics so gorgeous they’d evoke a tear. It was slogging through pixelated madness, failing more times than not, until you got it right. That’s doesn’t add to the fun. That’s damn near the definition of insanity. I think that’s why you see so few hard-core gamers over the age of 40. Only those of us with OCD issues stuck with it!
And yes, I know I’m gonna get a lot of flack for the way I feel about it, but I’ve earned my stripes. I grew up with the games that restarted you at level 1 if you were unlucky or unskilled enough to die three times (or perhaps four if you’d jumped through enough hoops to earn an extra life). But I guarantee you, the vast majority of “retro” gamers are under the age of 40. I’d bet my left ovary (and that’s the good one) that even 30 is the cut off age for most of them. Why? Because while they think retro games are cool and funky and fun (and they can be: I still play Galaga and Pac-Man from time to time), gamers today have a choice. Should dying over and over and over and over and starting over piss them off to no end, they can play a newer game that doesn’t subject them to that $h!t. That’s not the way it was for those of us who weathered gaming in its infancy.
And for the devs out there, please…please, please, please stop making new games with old gaming features. It’s like trying to cure syphilis with mercury. It’s maddening. When I spend the money on a new title, I want new freaking tech, new combat systems, new ways to interact with the world. Don’t slap old school elements on it and call it art, because it’s not. No more than every black and white movie is art. It’s 2023. Conduct yourselves accordingly.
//End rant.
If I’ve entertained you or added some value to your day, wonderful! Please feel free to leave your thoughts, subscribe to my blog or hit me up on Twitter @cindyjacks. If you’d like to support my blog with donations you can do so at ko-fi https://ko-fi.com/grownupgamergirl or cash app $cindyjacksbooks. All donations to my online content are much appreciated, but definitely not required to keep coming back to visit! Game on, my friends!
When a Gamer Girl Grows up 